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Joke of the Day

"Today at work a patient told me he had pyramid shaped cataracts in his eyes He was an old Giza"

"If you think marijuana doesn't kill you've obviously never read the bible. People getting stoned to death left and right."

"What did the sister cell say to her sister cell when she stepped on her foot? Ow Mytosis! Credits to Amanda Damiani"

"What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? One's a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean"

"Q: What's the ultimate embarrassment for a blonde? A: When her ben-wa balls set off the airport metal detector."

"I went to a zoo that only had a dog... It was a shih tzu."

"whats the difference between acne and catholic preists acne doesnt come on a boys face until 13"

"The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal."

"I used to be passive aggressive but now I'm aggressively passive. Don't mess with me, idiot. I'll sit right here. I'll f*cking forgive you."

"Recently reconciled with my brother after a long conflict. I apologised for slashing his tires, and he regretted breaking some of my home appliances. But hey, it's all water under the fridge now."