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Joke of the Day

"Life has never given me lemons It has given me anger issues, anxiety, stress, a love for alcohol, and a serious dislike for stupid people"

"Relationship status: held a door open for a girl, so she used the other one"

"How many men does it take to get an Amish woman pregnant? Two men a nite."

"You can always tell a guy masturbates a lot, by his hands. If you look closely, you'll see a wedding ring."

"nsfw Why did the gay have sex with the lesbian? To get back at her girlfriend."

"It's sad that they drain power from so many horses to make car engines run."

"Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter"

"I went to the doctor's and he asked me for a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample... So I handed him my underwear."

"I watched a porn where the guy had a thing for older women. It was a coming of age story."

"CALIFORNIA Q: How many Northern Californians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: Hella."