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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: held a door open for a girl, so she used the other one"

"*into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers"

"If I ever find out that my wife is going to be an octo-mom... I'm octa-gone."

"Q: why did the chicken cross the road? A: for a totally legitimate reason Now start fucking laughing"

"I only date right handed women... Righty tighty, lefty loosey"

"What do you call a happy Kia owner? An optimast."

"What's the difference between Snowmen and Snow women? Snowballs."

"Why don't programers pay tax to the Devil? Because that would be a sin-tax issue."

"5 guys walk into a bar You'd think atleast one of them would have seen it."

"its 2013 and mcdonalds still doesnt serve breakfast all day"