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Joke of the Day

"Relationship status: held a door open for a girl, so she used the other one"

"What do you call a Mexican that acts like a white person? A wiener"

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he was eating a slice of pizza? He ate it before it was cool"

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch."

"missing someone one Valentine's Day joke with your self when you missing someone and think they will come back but other person ignoring you and you think they will come back to you one day..."

"What do you get if you fuck an Antarctic penguin? A Chilly Willy."

"I've been dying to see Age of Ultron But then I just googled ""How old is Ultron"" and found out he's 47. Saved me $10."

"What do you get when you put a knife in a babys ass? A hard on"

"[as a kid] Can't wait to grow up and make my own decisions! [now] Why did I think this would be fun"

"""Son, I just wanted to let you know your adopted"" ""Are you kidding? Really?"" I shouted. ""Yup, get ready,"" he said. ""They'll be picking you up in about an hour."""