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Joke of the Day

"Have you seen the new movie, ""Constipation""? It may not have come out yet."

"Hell is where Sarah Palin is president, Taylor Swift is in love with me, and Kim Kardashian names all the children"

"My gf told me to stop being childish, she just wants to come in for a talk not my fault she cant remember the password to my pillow fortress"

"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: No idea. I pretty much just zone out whenever I'm behind the wheel. Did anyone die?"

"Friend: You thinking what I'm thinking? Me: It's bullshit there weren't schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament? F: ...."

"Question: what is your best comeback to being called a motherf****r? examples: yes I did fuck your mom. Tell her hi. Tell her thanks for the crabs. Tell her I want the money she owes me."

"What's the difference between Trump and Dave Who the hell is Trump?"

"I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap."

"Going to McDonald's is like going to the strip club... At first you're pumped and excited on the idea then you leave feeling dirty and ashamed."

"Most young lives are lost not because of seat belts, but because the defibrillator needs you to sign into Facebook first."