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Joke of the Day

"I hate when I walk in on another guy in a bathroom stall and, since we're both on our phones, neither of us notices until I sit on his lap."

"Fell asleep next to a beautiful woman I met last night. I tell you what, she was PISSED to wake up next to a stranger... And that goes double for her husband."

"What is a Freudian slip? A Freudian slip is when someone says one thing when thinking of amother."

"My wife's celebrity ""free pass"" is Paul Rudd, and mine is my wife because yah right like I'm gonna walk into *that* propeller blade."

"Did you hear about the constipated Mathematician? He worked it out with a pencil"

"the word 'freelancer' originally came from medieval knights who would kill evildoers for the king and THEN NOT GET PAID FOR EIGHT MONTHS"

"Strawberry is a terrible name. ""Ooh, a berry with all the flavor of a straw,"" you'd think. But you'd be wrong"

"I got drunk last night and my house wasn't where I left it."

"So I asked my North Korean friend how's life there He said he can't complain"

"*steals someone's soul* *steals someone's mate* *Creates a soulmate*"