44471

Joke of the Day

"I was trying to make a joke about coat hanger abortion with my mom I was just having a poke at it."

"What does a baby mouse say to its mother after seeing a bat? Look mom, an angel!"

"How many geese does it take to form a gaggle... 5 or more"

"What does Sarah Palin eat when she's high? Baked Alaska"

"Why did the golfer wear two pairs of trousers?? In case he got a hole in one"

"If your best clothes proudly advertise Monster Energy Drink, you can't be left alone with your best looking cousin."

"My phone just fell down a flight of stairs, but it's ok, it was in my pocket."

"When playing tug of war with a 2yo, it's best to remember they're pulling really really hard and holy shit they travel fast when you let go"

"A zombie jumped out at me, in a haunted house, but he didn't scare me. He did, however, catch my elbow in his face."

"Butter Sometimes when I am baking I mix I can't believe it's not butter and butter, so that way I have I kinda believe that some of this might be butter."