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Joke of the Day

"""United Airlines? More like DIVIDED Airlines"" he said as thunderous applause erupted in the terminal, wild cheers & all the old folks crying"

"Why Does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D-shells"

"Why are rubber tires black? So the police know what to shoot at during a chase"

"I feel like aging is a lot easier for unattractive people."

"For all those who answer ""how's it goin?"" with ..""can't complain""...please review your FB status's"

"One day ISIS is going to screw up and accidentally hit 'add your location' to a tweet."

"A man has been jailed for forging banknotes. He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes."

"Praying: It's like wanting to help without actually having to help"

"CLERK: $3.74 ME: *reaches in pocket & pulls out whole ham* sorry I have cash *reaches back in & pulls out 2nd ham* well this is embarrassing"

"On a scale of 1 to 10, You're a 9 ... and I'm the 1 you need!"