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Joke of the Day

"I lost my mood ring. I'm unsure how I feel about it."

"What comes after a great pee? A ""Q"" I made this joke up today. I don't know if it's been thought of before, but I couldn't go to sleep without posting it for the world :)"

"A woman is suing Disney claiming that Frozen is based on her life. She sounds like a cold bitch."

"How many black people does it take to screw in a light bulb? One, you fucking racist!"

"ok guys the gofundme I set up to hire a hitman to kill me is already at 3x its goal you can stop contributing"

"I think I could start a pretty successful company that makes nothing but excuses."

"The only time that I get sucked in bed is when there's a mosquito in the room."

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick down your girlfriend's throat."

"My father complained ""I've been using a dating app, but I'm only meeting Middle Eastern men."" Dad, you're using Uber."

"Doctors, soldiers, firefighters. These are all respected positions. But the position I respect most as a parent Is a driver's Ed instructor"