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Joke of the Day

"TIL It is common for staff and surgeons to laugh hysterically during separation surgery to conjoined twins. Well it is side-splitting."

"Brad Pitt might be ""better looking"" than me, but I am considerably fatter."

"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."

"What do you call a dog that can preform magic? A Labracadabra."

"Tried to prank my Tibetan Buddhist friend. I tried to prank my Buddhist friend from Tibet, I told him the Dalai Lama had died. He was skeptical and said ill bereave it when I see it."

"I'm a passive aggressive driver. I pass other drivers and then aggressively speed towards the next one."

"I accidentally mixed up my dads sleeping pills with my Viagra... he says its harder getting to sleep now."

"ME: Hey they're playing our song. HER: This isn't our song. ME: [turning up ""Go Your Own Way""] Yes it is, Karen. I want a divorce."

"What kind of cars do shellfish drive? Mussel cars."

"Statistics is like a bikini on a beautiful woman... ... what it reveals is exciting; what it hides is vital."