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Joke of the Day
"I laugh at an ex who now dates an ugly man-pig... Until I realize that maybe she has a type."
Next Joke
"Man, speaking (in heavy Scottish accent) to policeman, ""But, officer, it said laddies on the door."""
"Q. What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A. You can tune the lawnmower and the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawnmower and don't return it."
"What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with the Titanic? About halfway"
"Pro tip: ""Hold my drink"" is not a proper response to ""License and registration, please."" ...... apparently."
"twitter has a very ""high school class where the teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes"" vibe"
"There is a time and a place for accosting people with baguettes (2 p.m., Whole Foods)."
"Hey girl, are you an orphanage? Because I want to give you kids."
"What's the worst thing about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."
"The existence of Hogwarts has never been proven false..."