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Joke of the Day

"My weed stash is like the Koran... If you burn that shit, you'll get stoned."

"I told my friends this story about an orca... It was a killer whale of a time"

"My Lebanese friend knocked over his dip. I had to report him for hummus-side. Edit: changed arrest to report because reasons."

"My friend committed suicide by taking 50 Tylenol. I don't know why he did that. He could have just taken 4 Aleve."

"I've been watching ISIS movements via UAV for the past week They seem to beheading in the right direction"

"When Chris Angle levitated in front of Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris just laughed and flew away."

"I told my psychiatrist I'm thinking about suicide He told me from now on I have to pay in advance."

"What do you call a human that's now a cactus? A transplant."

"The weirdest thing just happened. I had Cancer, then 15 people on Facebook were brave enough to change their statuses, & now I'm cured."

"Haters gonna hate, potaters gonna potate."