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Joke of the Day

"Policeman: Why did your car just spin around in circles? Motorist: I was making a U-turn and changed my mind."

"My Life I just lost like 500 on betting..What the fuck am i doing with my life"

"I fear all this talk of llamas & dresses has distracted us from the important fact that there is video of Madonna falling off a stage."

"how many sexual perverts does it take to screw in a light bulb? only one. but it takes an entire emergency room to get it out."

"I miss the days before the internet, when you didn't know some person's every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic."

"What did the Mexican guy say when the two houses fell on him? Get off me homes."

"Last night, I had a dream that I was walking on a white sandy beach... At least that explains the footprints I found in the cat litter box this morning..."

"Expected delivery while I was out so left courier a note saying ""Please leave with neighbour"". I've just seen them heading off together."

"Why do zombies all have such shitty clothes?! It's like you JUST died, how did you mess up your shirt that bad"

"Too many kids don't know what it's like to enjoy a book the old-fashioned way (watching the movie version on VHS the night before a test)."