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Joke of the Day

"I miss the days before the internet, when you didn't know some person's every awful thought until they died and you cleaned out their attic."

Next Joke
 
"I've just sold some glass rockets to Kim Jong Un. I hope he's pleased with his new, clear weapons."
"How do pirates agree with each other over long distances? With their aye-phones."
"Whats the difference between a dead baby and a black man? A dead baby can feed a family of four"
"Why did the hipster burn his tongue on his cup of free-trade coffee? Because he started drinking it before it was cool."
"Grocery store just charged me $0.10 to offset the environmental impact of my bag and then gave me a paper receipt 3 feet long."
"Roses are brown, Violets are brown.. Who the fuck took a shit in my garden?"
"I SAW ON THE NEWS THAT SOME GUY IN ANOTHER STATE DIED ARE YOU OKAY - my mom"
"I had a welsh friend who tried counting all his lovers to me but each time, I kept falling asleep"
"*Murderer points a gun at me* ""You wanna die today"" Me: ""Yeah kinda"" Murderer: *lowers gun* damn, you wanna talk about it?"