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Joke of the Day

"How much is Hillary Clinton's life insurance? Just one bill."

"A woman walks up to a guy in a blue bathing suit and says, ""Did you know your eyes match your swim trunks?"" He says, ""Why? Are my eyes bulging?"""

"I cut butter with a regular knife and now it won't stop crying like a little bitch."

"The rape game... --Do you want to play the rape game? --No! --That's the spirit..."

"What do you do when your car is making a really annoying noise? Open the door and kick her out."

"3 am phone call, ""Hey, are you asleep?"" Nope, Im skydiving."

"Roses are dead, violets are dead, ... I'm a bad gardener"

"The human body is 70% water and 30% land"

"I just heard a guy arguing with his oven. Things got pretty heated."

"What's more fun then swinging a baby on a clothes line? Stopping it with a shovel."