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Joke of the Day

"My congressman just wrote to tell me if I don't re-elect him, whatever-scares-me-most will probably happen. Send money."

Next Joke
 
"My son just complained about how far the guy in his video game has to walk. We take our lazy seriously around here."
"Rude coworker said something very dumb & mean to me. She blamed it on pregnancy brain. I asked her if she was having triplets."
"Why did the man throw his watch out the window? He wanted to see time fly!"
"Why did the woman get stoned off her ass? Sharia Law."
"[first day as Tour Guide in History Museum] ""And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really old shit."""
"My girlfriend and I are celebrating our anniversary tonight by breaking up six years ago."
"A man walks in his bedroom with a pig... under his arm. He says: ""I fucked this she-swine for 10 years"" His wife, shocked, yells: ""What?"" The man replies: ""Shut up, I was talking to the pig."""
"I think I will start calling my wife ""My Customer"" since she is always right..."
"I love Fight Club! I showed up a little late so I missed the first few rules but I can't wait to go next week!"