76839

Joke of the Day

"I love Fight Club! I showed up a little late so I missed the first few rules but I can't wait to go next week!"

"Do headphones just tie themselves in knots while we're not looking?"

"It sucks how if you say hi to someone once, you're now committed to saying hi to them the rest of your entire life."

"*runs into san francisco restaurant* THE KALE WASN'T LOCALLY SOURCED *sound of 100s of ubers smashing into each other outside restaurant*"

"I want to give you guys my best dad joke... ...but I'm afraid you won't give it back."

"He stole my heart, so I stole his last name. Is the slogan of a very famous body parts and new ID shop in Mexico."

"I like that my phone tries to capitalize the word internet. Like the mindless dicking around we do on here is important."

"Golfer: ""I've played so poorly all day; I think I'm going to go drown myself in that lake."" Caddy: ""I doubt you could keep your head down that long."""

"I would pay double my Netflix subscription if Stranger Things Season 2 brought back Barb from a parallel universe who then confesses her love for Nancy. You? What would you do for a clone dyke Barb?"

"What happens when you eat too much seafood? You begin to feel a little eel."