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Joke of the Day

"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"

"Three feminists had a picnic... It didn't last long - none of them made sandwiches."

"WIFE: Carol's hubby gives her flowers EVERY day. I'd LOVE u to do that ME: Ok [next day] ME [giving Carol flowers] No I don't get it either"

"My favourite jokes are one liners about launderettes What can I say, I love dry clean humour."

"Knock Knock Who's there ? Cliff ! Cliff who ? Cliff hanger !"

"I know a husband and wife who were happy for a very long time and then they met."

"Roses are red... Violets are blue, I have a gun, Get in the van."

"There will only be 7 planets left... After I destroy Uranus."

"How do you turn a fox into a cow? Marry it"

"Guy comes home to find his best friend in bed with his wife. He says: ""Jimmy, I HAVE to, but you?"""