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Joke of the Day

"[Opens hand sanitiser] SUbmiT YoUr SOuL tO EternAL HeLL fiRe [closes lid] wtf? [looks at label] LINDA YOU BOUGHT HAND SATANISER AGAIN"

"How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace..."

"You ever get so drunk you write your social security number in the tip slot on your bar tab?"

"Old lady across from me in ER waiting room just asked me, ""So are you sick?"" No, I'm just here for the free CNN."

"What kind of tumors do tough guys get? Heman-giomas"

"What do you call a fat person who judges hippos? Hippo-critical."

"What do you call a cow that's masturbating? Beef Stroganoff"

"My approach to life drives nihilist philosophers crazy... ...but it's beating a dead horse."

"I submitted 10 puns to a local newspaper, hoping one would make it in. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did."

"What do you get when you put a dinosaur and a bomb together? Dinomite!!!!! *budum tssst*"