107528

Joke of the Day

"Guy comes home to find his best friend in bed with his wife. He says: ""Jimmy, I HAVE to, but you?"""

"What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb"

"Whats the difference between an apple and a dead baby I dont come on my apple before I eat it"

"What do you call a kid that stands up to bullies? An ambulance."

"Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry gave you a tan."

"[DOG MAGICIAN] think of a color, any color...is it...gray? [OTHER DOG] oh my GOD"

"What do you call a dead blonde in a closet? Hide and Go Seek Champion, 1973."

"My wife told me to stop listening to Wonderwall with the volume all the way up And I said MAYYYBEEEE"

"There are two types of people in the world... 1. People who are bad with lists."

"wife: You're going to work like that? me: Yeah, it's casual day [20 minutes later] *calls wife* me: Can you bring me a shirt?"