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Joke of the Day

"Pony: ""I love hay so much I-"" Dad: ""Why don't you marry it, ya big nerd?"" *pony grows up* *becomes Horse Emperor* *legalizes hay marriage*"

"How do you make a gay guy fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt."

"A nice buttocks. A *great* butt listens."

"*Slides down your chimney* *Straightens all your pictures*"

"Told this girl to text me when she got home.... I think she homeless. ----- I don't own this and I take no credit."

"wife: I saw in my dream that you were buying a diamond ring for me Husband: I saw your dad paying the bill... :D"

"I believe all people are equal... ...whether they're black, Chinese or normal."

"I bet that Heimlich was just a perv who molested people from behind, and one time accidentally saved someone from choking."

"What did the little boy with no arms and legs get for Christmas? Cancer."

"My friend's dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was furious, she said ""what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"""