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Joke of the Day

"When my toddlers are teenagers I'm going to wake them up in the middle of the night to tell them I'm thirsty"

"A dickhead is talking to an asshole When suddenly they yell ""OH SHIT!"""

"What if ""baby daddy"" meant a father who was actually a very small baby? A little baby dad. Baby Dad, coming this fall to ABC Wednesday night"

"What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and acne? Acne doesn't come on your face until you're 13."

"[financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120"

"Why use 2 A's in the name Aaron? Why not 17? What's stopping us?"

"Why was Thor disappointed by his birthday party? Because it was more Loki than he wanted."

"Why don't old ladies receive orals sex? Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"What's 8 inches long, rock hard and full of sperm The sock under my bed"

"Why do you love your puppy more than you love your wife? Because the puppy only knows the tricks you taught her"