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Joke of the Day

"[financial advisor] based on your income and savings you can retire at age 116 [me] *slips her $100* let's make it 112 [her] now it's 120"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Anna ! Anna who ? Annather brick in the wall !"

"The first time I had sex I cried I don't know whether it was the physical contact, emotional connection, or pepper spray but any way I teared up."

"I'm in trouble with my wife. I totally forgot her special birthday' that was such a big deal apparently. Still, everything went fine and it was a healthy baby boy!"

"""We are going to Taiwan"" Juan: No, please don't!"

"""Hey buddy, you wanna buy a harmonica?"" I opened my coat and got hit by a gust of wind, making the worst sound in the world"

"Who was the world's first carpenter? Eve, because she made Adam's banana stand."

"What do you call a dog with no legs? You don't, you go get it"

"When people argue about sports and one says ""Care to make it interesting"" I assume they're going to start talking about something else."

"I have this song in my head I haven't heard in years. I'm pretty sure it's called ""Don't Speak""? On second thought, there's no doubt in my mind."