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Joke of the Day

"Don't let him know you're a hologram. Don't let him know you're a hologram. Interviewer: You've got the job! *extends hand* Me: Dammit"

"What do you get if you cross a bike and a rose ? Bicycle petals !"

"Why does a fat man when squeezed compliment the ladies? Because the pressure makes him flatter."

"My leg brushed against the toilet in a Starbucks bathroom. Goodbye leg. You were a good leg."

"Did it hurt when you fell from a lab where science is studied which has rendered religion obsolete? (Atheist pick-up line)"

"I never get tired of my old Tweets getting RT'd so I know musicians never get tired of hearing their songs being played on the radio."

"Someone asked me the other day, ""What's with those clogs you keep wearing?"" I replied, ""Wooden shoe like to know."""

"I dropped my phone in the toilet It's ringing wet!"

"How many immigrants. Q) How many immigrants does it take to change a light bulb? A) None. That is our fucking job!"

"What is worse, ignorance or apathy? I don't know, and i don't care.."