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Joke of the Day

"""You think only God can judge you?"" *Judge Judy spins around in chair to face you* ""Well THINK AGAIN!"" *bangs gavel so hard it breaks*"

"Why do they call chicken wings, chicken wings? Cuz they go flyin' out of your butt after you eat them!"

"Two fish are swimming upstream and one of the fish hits his head against concrete. He looks to the other, and says ""dam"""

"Why is russian roulette bad for parties? It kills the mood ."

"Congratulations on being the kind of person who corrects the grammar of others, unsolicited. You're the Microsoft Word Paperclip."

"I'm gonna make you .org until you .com everywhere."

"I'm in a band called ""Transportation"". We're going places."

"My daughter kept begging me to get her a new toy, so I went to a store and got a bunch of lego for her To this day, I am surprised that the store accepts kids as payment"

"This relationship is over. Over. ~dumping someone via walkie talkie."

"Fuck. I just mentioned that it was my birthday as a pickup line to this hot girl at the bar and her fat friend is now asking about cake."