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Joke of the Day

"A 3 legged dog walks into a bar... Bartender says ""what can I get you?"" dog replies ""nothing.... I'm just looking for the man who shot my paw"""

"What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boys face till 14"

"Why do we still call them newspapers when most of them aren't on paper... and most of them don't contain news?"

"What do you call a hired investigator who's a jerk only when he's alone? A private dick."

"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."

"[Titanic] Steward: Lifeboats are assigned by your star sign. Aries, this boat. Virgo, that boat- ""What about Leo?"" Steward: No. Leo dies."

"I called in a reserve player... from the wrong team! Whoops, wrong sub"

"Oh look, it's raining outside. I think I'll go on Facebook and update all my friends that don't have a window of their own."

"How do you catch a unique rabbit? You 'neek up on him. How do you catch a TAME rabbit?"

"I'm optimistic that within my lifetime it will become acceptable to wear your underwear to the supermarket."