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Joke of the Day

"Why do we still call them newspapers when most of them aren't on paper... and most of them don't contain news?"

"don't worry, i'm not like other girls *head slowly rotates 360*"

"Your mama is so ugly that... when she has sexual relations with an animal, it's not beastiality, it's animal cruelty."

"Her text: I'm tanning. Call you when I'm done. My thoughts: SHE'S NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED NAKED"

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."

"Why did the peasant have poor judgement? He couldn't afford better judgement I'll be here all day folks"

"What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer... I give a shit when my computer crashes."

"I've got a new job putting make-up on turds It's pretty shit."

"BOSS: Okay, let's do this. What names are you pitching? COWORKER: Hannah Montana ME: Assapoopshits Massachusetts BOSS: Michael you're fired"

"I think someone may be sending me death threats. Woke up this morning with a [Tesco burger](http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-21038521) on my pillow!"