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Joke of the Day

"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."

"What's the best part about being a mohel? (someone who performs circumcisions in the Jewish religion) The tips."

"I wrote in my diary and went through it with a bright yellow marker. It was the hi lite of my day."

"You're like the menstrual cramp and bloating of people."

"Q: Why did the Jews wander in the desert for forty years? A: Somebody dropped a shekel."

"Bon Iver just walked into my Starbucks. Wait nope just a super sad cat."

"People who live in Lego houses should not walk around without shoes."

"Why do French tanks have rearview mirrors? So they can see the battle."

"*Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back."

"What do you call a red-head that works at a bakery? A ginger bread man."