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Joke of the Day

"Abortion clinics are awful. But their smoothies are to die for."

"My ten year old son just asked me what were the 80's like. So I turned the Wi-Fi off and took away his smart phone."

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? About a hundred bucks an hour."

"Unshakable Fact # 4 Breaking News: Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was killed by the woman's husband."

"I sent my kids to public school because I didn't want them to be spoiled. Turns out I didn't want them to be educated either."

"Why did the scarecrow win an award? For being outstanding in his field!"

"Saw a young couple holding hands today & it reminded me that I need to buy a bottle of vodka"

"Lorena Bobbit and Jeffery Dahmer This is an old one... What did Jeff say to Lorena after she cut her husband's penis off? You gonna eat that?"

"What do you get when you cross an owl with a bunjee cord? My ass!"

"Why did the man keep reloading the picture of the candy cane at the potluck? He was in charge of refresh mints."