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Joke of the Day

"I'm scared to go to sleep tonight knowing some maniac is running around out there slightly deflating footballs."

"I saw a guy struggling with the frozen vending machine trying to get some ice cream. Really paralleled my attempts to reach my ex-girlfriend's heart."

"Anyone know where I can buy some camo pants? Can't find them anywhere."

"I believe in ""you're stupid"" at first sight."

"What's the best part about having multiple personality disorder? Banging your best friend's wife every night!"

"Your ex asking if you can still be friends is like kidnappers saying ""keep in touch"" after they let you go."

"My WD-40 can rusted. Now that's irony."

"I used to be into sadism, bestiality, and necrophilia... ... until I realized I was beating a dead horse."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can't. The only thing they can screw is your mind."

"If you want to break your addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers... you need to quit cold turkey."