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Joke of the Day

"WAITER: soup or salad? CLARK KENT: *sweating nervously* just a REGULAR salad for a REGULAR guy please ha ha. nothing super about it..."

"The Sun God Heloios was hungover today. Unable to lift his radiant body out of bed he just stuck his blazing bare bum over the horizon... ... it was the crack of dawn."

"Honk if you love Jesus. Text while driving if you'd like to meet Him."

"scientist 1: how did you discover that dolphins have sex for pleasure? scientist 2: [flashback to the craziest night of their life] math"

"Q: Why do ya reckon Blonds don't have elevator jobs? A: Cos they've no idea of the route."

"I've been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to ""that""."

"Guinness book of world records I use to have my dick in the Guinness book of world records, but then the librarian told me I had to leave."

"Did you hear One Direction is breaking up? They're heading separate ways."

"Cannibal Someone who is fed up with people"

"What were the protestors outside Erin Andrew's court house shouting today? White Nudes Matter!"