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Joke of the Day

"It's nice when my kitchen smells extra clean cause I used an entire bottle of Clorox to kill one ant."

"Me and my lover, sitting in a tree A-R-G-U-I-N-G"

"How do you describe a hierarchy of police officers with only one word? Police police police police police police police police police police police."

"Owls always look like they've just found out that they've been cheated on."

"Setting up a Moses business would be simple except for one setback... Staff problems."

"I was wrong about Hillary not having sufficient doctoring. Turns out she's surrounded by spin doctors."

"Every time you reach under the couch for something a giant spider must choose whether or not to give up its secure location."

"Q: Which is easier for a man to leave: the women or the Wine? A: It depends on the age."

"Who has time to monitor followers/unfollowers? I can barely keep track of my kids and I only have 1 of those. Wait. Two. I have 2 kids."

"Taught a parrot to repeatedly say ""WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?"" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool."