42019

Joke of the Day

"I just gave my kid ice cream because she wouldn't stop crying. Sorry, whoever she winds up marrying."

"I forgot to pluck my eyebrows while getting ready this morning. It was an oversight."

"You know what's Obama doing right now? He's Havana good time (sorry)"

"Why don't the people of Pompeii like volcanoes? Because they're all dead. As told by my best friend, in light of the Indian joke."

"What did Adam say to his wife on the day before Christmas? It's Christmas, Eve!"

"Before you decide to become an atheist try dipping an Oreo in Nutella once"

"What happened to the plant in math class? It grew square roots."

"Just realized what I'm putting on my tombstone. If you're reading this, I'm already dead."

"If you're not supposed to drink shampoo why do they make it in such pretty colors?"

"How do you greet a British programmer named Cathryn? 'Allo-cate"