41992

Joke of the Day

"Guy knocking on bathroom door after sex: I think I love you. Me stringing tampons together, making a rope to climb out the window: Okay...."

"[Walks into a bar] A forgetful women of three children walks into a bar, intensely focused on knitting a sweater for her eldest... Whoops, wrong thread."

"I sleep less, I'm tired. I sleep more, I'm tired. Life is impossible."

"Why were the ancient Greeks considered so brave on the battlefield? They didn't want to leave their brothers behind."

"What is a female hockey player's most vivid memory? Her first period on the ice."

"My neighbor knocked on my door at 2 am this morning and said, ""Yo, I can't fcking sleep."" ""Well it's your lucky day,"" I said, ""I've got a party going on in here, come in."""

"What's the difference between my dick and my paycheck? I don't have to beg my wife to blow my paycheck."

"How do you know ancient Egyptians loved books so much? Because they built their stuff with reads!"

"I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now."

"Someday, I will make a great dad.... I don't have any parenting experience, but I *can* tell terrible jokes."