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Joke of the Day

"Someday, I will make a great dad.... I don't have any parenting experience, but I *can* tell terrible jokes."

"Have you heard the one about the Imaginary man? You haven't? Me neither!"

"[dinner party] *host clinks glass* ""Everyone we're having a baby""! *whispers to other guest* ""Oh come on! I told them I was a vegetarian."""

"Why are turtles dangerous in China ? Because they can turtle you."

"So I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup today.. I'm expecting a massive vowel movement."

"Nice try speed bumps, it's a rental."

"What did the bra say to the toupee? You go on ahead, I'll hold these two up."

"Chickens are jews. they even sell their own children."

"""hey we use animals for literally everything else in our lives. lets use our feet for cars."" idiot flintstones. no wonder you're extinct."

"Q: How many helicopters does it take for White House aides to go play a round of golf? A: Depends on how many were photographed."