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Joke of the Day

"I don't smoke to be cool, I smoke so no one asks me to hold their baby."

"Girls on GoneWild Q: Why do girls on gonewild wear panties? A: So that their ankles would keep warm"

"While building a windmill I had to go to the restroom. You could say shit hit the fan."

"How do you make holy water? You boil the Hell out of it. My 12-year-old daughter claims to have invented this joke this weekend. I don't know if it's original or not."

"*kicks house door down* I SAID HAVE YOU ACCEPTED JESUS INTO YOUR LIFE?"

"I don't know if laughter is the ""best"" medicine, but I do like that it doesn't have a $35 co-pay."

"Hi I'm 37 yrs old. According to folklore, I've swallowed 259 spiders, 47 moths, 3 coyotes, and a grizzly bear in my sleep since I was born."

"Do you know why women aren't allowed in space? * To avoid scenarios like: ""Houston, we have a problem!"" * ""What is the problem?"" * ""Yeah, great, pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!"""

"Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day."

"My friend went to mime school... Haven't heard from him since. HAHAHALOLOLOO SO FUNNY SOMEONE PLZ KILL ME"