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Joke of the Day

"Kim and Kanye are now planning to have their wedding in Egypt. See Egyptians, things could always be worse."

"I like the way you weigh the way I like you."

"[shootout] Cop: I said fire a warning shot Me: I already did. Cop: you shot him in the face Me: warning the others that I'm a very good shot"

"I've officially started crossing my sevens when I write them. It's a fun, easy way to distract myself from the fact that I'll be dead soon!"

"One thing I don't like about Twitter is that you can read something & think it's funny & only afterward realize it was written by a woman."

"Girls look back at your wedding photos, if you are fatter than that, he is not happy.."

"Dragons aren't evil; they're just upset that they can't enjoy Popsicles and other frozen treats."

"Why do mermaids wear seashells? because D shells dont fit"

"I'm gonna try and shoot the whole school Said the yearbook photographer"

"The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was."