205119

Joke of the Day

"I like the way you weigh the way I like you."

"If anyone needs an ark, I Noah guy."

"I'm kind of a workplace bad boy. Once I called a dude 'fuckface' in a job interview. Then I didn't even give him the job."

"Boss: You're not fired but we're taking away all your responsibilities. Me: Cool, a promotion! Boss: No-- Me: Sounds like a promotion to me."

"Me and my wife are getting a divorce so we are splitting the house ... She gets the inside. I get the outside."

"It's only TMI if you're ugly."

"I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed. I think they should kill people who are named after him as well."

"Dark humor is a bit like food. Not everyone gets it."

"I had a mate who was suicidal. He was really depressed, so I pushed him in front of a steam train. Then he was chuffed to bits."

"*washes your smart car with a moist towelette*"