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Joke of the Day

"Happy birthday to both reddit and planned parenthood... My favorite two things keeping me from getting a girl pregnant."

"Well done Turkey on shooting down a Russian warplane. Now proceed to level two where you have to destroy fifty Russian warplanes and fight off an invading ground force."

"What do you call a woman who sells sex for noodles? A Pasta-tute!"

"What eats everything? An Om-nomnivore"

"I just put a bottle antifreeze in the freezer. Place your bets now."

"He died doing what he loved, checking his mentions while driving."

"You can give a centaur a fish AND lead him to water, which is pretty awesome."

"What do you call an Irish man who won't leave your porch? Paddy O' furniture"

"My son kneed himself on the trampoline. *black eye forming Me: Son, we need to come up with a better story than this."

"Can't decide if I should start this laundry or fake my own death."