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Joke of the Day

"Last year for Christmas I got my little brother an abacus in the shape of a medieval Stronghold... He hated it and was really ungrateful. Our dad said ""Hey! It's the fort that counts."""

"I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick."

"Doctor, doctor...I've got a strawberry up my butt! That's ok. We've got some cream for that."

"What's black and does not work? Decaf Coffee"

"If you #Calexit-ers think you hate Trump NOW... Just wait until you have to foot the bill for the Californian extension of The Wall."

"""Please stop being mean"" - Me 3 seconds in to a rap battle"

"What tree gives the best high-fives? A PALM tree!"

"I always choose a political party with good snacks. Wait, that's how I choose a house party. And it's a dumb way to choose a house party."

"When my husband gives me shit for taking too long to get ready, I remind him that you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams."

"How do you say bra in German? dashud sthapem from flappen"