196946

Joke of the Day

"The Sun's probably Asian."

"Great Scot, Marty! You know what you'd get if I locked myself in a room with the old-me from 1955 and convinced my other self never to build a time machine? A paradox, Marty!"

"So there's this girl named Mary... 1. Mary meets a guy named Joseph 2. Mary ends up pregnant 3. ??? 4. Prophet"

"ME: Off to the concert with my friends WIFE: Say hi to everyone for me [later] ME [individually saying hi to 10,000 ppl] This is exhausting"

"What does Bill Gates call his manhood? Microsoft."

"Do you know how to disappoint a fellow Redditor? [deleted] Why would you fall for this again?"

"What does a vagina and the mob have in common? One slip of the tongue, and you're in deep shit."

"How did the Norse god of mischief celebrate his birthday? With a low-key event"

"When I see lovers' names carved in a tree, I don't think it's sweet: I just think it's surprising how many people bring a knife on a date."

"If you hated really old teak furniture, would you be anti antique teak?"