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Joke of the Day

"Before you start your artisanal candle business ask yourself: does the world need one more lychee-scented soy candle? Or even one?"

"As a Brandon, I'm constantly at war with Brendans. Do not confuse them with my kind. They are shit demons. Slaying them is my birthright."

"""An apple a day takes Billion Dollars away"" ~ Samsung"

"I don't see why everyone is up in arms about Oscar Pistorius.... Haven't we all woken up legless and fired a few into the missus?"

"What is the opposite of an iPad Mini? A Maxi Pad"

"What type of tree hates company? Sycamore trees!"

"I'm going to go on a Brexit diet The pounds will drop fast."

"Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape."

"What's the difference between a pile of dead babies and a trampoline? I take my boots off to jump on the trampoline."

"jokes don't kill people, people who don't get jokes kill people."