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Joke of the Day

"""An apple a day takes Billion Dollars away"" ~ Samsung"

"Why did the fisherman catch the Mackerel and then let it go? Cause he's all about that Bass, bout that Bass.... No Mackerel."

"*Writes ""For a good time call"" on random gas station bathroom wall *adds work phone number *Gets excited about work today"

"I'm eating a vegan lunch today. Sure, it's six sleeves of Smarties and a Diet Coke, but I'm still better than you."

"what are you getting your wife for her birthday? a sweater and a dildo... if she doesnt like the sweater, she can go fuck herself"

"What comes in pints? elephants"

"In biblical times, I would have given your dad so many goats for you."

"Why are librarians so shy? Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious."

"Did you hear about the depressed man going on a cross country road trip? He's weeping the nation."

"Teaching 19 to cook, clean, and do laundry so if he ever gets married his wife won't divorce him and make him my responsibility again."