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Joke of the Day

"11 year old step son told me this... I lol'd Why did the cops show up at the elementary school? A 1st grader was resisting a rest."

"Got the dermatologist recommended detergent and dryer sheets and I'm pretty sure it would've been cheaper to just buy a whole new body."

"When is the worst time to have a heart attack? During a game of charades"

"My son didn't understand the concept of a committed relationship, so I told him it's like making a girl your default browser."

"Are they shutting twitter down anytime soon? I need to do life stuff."

"How do you pick up a jew? Dust pan and brush"

"I can't believe you ""accidentally"" let it slip into her butt! Dick move, asshole."

"[as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first"

"Why are men smarter during sex? Because they're plugged into a fucking know it all"

"If gingers are pale because they have no soul... Does that explain why black people have so much soul?"