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Joke of the Day

"What do we want? SOME GOOD DECISIONS! When do we want them? BEFORE LAST NIGHT!"

"I accidentally swallowed a turntable needle. Good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened good thing nothing major happened"

"Why did the orgy fail? No one came."

"Make sure that nobody ever invades your personal space by constantly hula hooping wherever you go."

"Did you hear about the Buddhist that refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication"

"[On phone to police] Has there been a report of a pervert in the park? P: No, there hasn't. Me: oh good. [Goes back to hiding in bushes]"

"Ladies: If ""snuggling"" is so important to you, have the guy do that BEFORE you have sex. Trust me...... He'll snuggle and snuggle and snuggle..."

"What did the two lesbian vampires say to each other? Same time next month?"

"Nixon: ""I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me"" ""Hold my beer"" ""Sure.. Wait this isnt beer"""

"I didn't know owls were religious Until someone told me they were a bird of pray"