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Joke of the Day

"Nixon: ""I bet you can't run a more scandal-ridden presidency than me"" ""Hold my beer"" ""Sure.. Wait this isnt beer"""

"Why is it important to have plenty of help when changing a light bulb? Many hands make light work."

"What's the difference between a biscuit and a monster? You can dip a biscuit in your tea but a monster is too big to fit in the cup."

"Why can't you eat cereal in the Matrix? Because there is no spoon."

"What's the best way to break in a new pair of shoes? Moonwalking"

"What do we want? ""A CURE FOR TOURETTES!!!"" When do we want it? ""FUCK!!"""

"Hostage or not, sometimes it's just nice to be held."

"the average man takes just over 6 minutes to cum during sex, do you know how long it takes a woman? Me either, I'm already sleeping by then."

"Hooked up with a Medium at a bar last night I think phony was a fake because she didn't see me coming."

"Me, age 18: I'll be a homeowner by the time I'm in my 30s Me, in my 30s: I own a single pair of matching socks"