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Joke of the Day

"Make sure that nobody ever invades your personal space by constantly hula hooping wherever you go."

"Hey ladies, if you don't want me staring at your tattoos, maybe you should lock your front door before showering."

"3 cars back at the Burger King drive thru gives you a devastating amount of time to consider your missteps."

"What does a doctor say to the new father of a stillborn child? Close, but no cigar."

"You can extend the olive branch.. but you can't beat them over the head with it"

"What do you do when your dishwasher stops working? Slap her!"

"I was born Mary Patterson... but then I married and, naturally, I took my husbands name. So now I'm Neil Patterson. From ""A Bit of Fry and Laurie"""

"What do you call a punk band that knows how to play their instruments? A metal band"

"I sustained a serious neck injury a few years ago... ...and I've never looked back."

"Give a woman a compliment and you'll eat for a day. Force a woman to fish for compliments and she'll feed someone else."