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Joke of the Day

"Biden: can i put whoopee cushions under all the chairs before he gets here Obama: joe im on the phone Biden:*muttering* u didnt say not to"

"Why don't you people see how racist Pokemon Go is??? All of my friends are now talking about how they have to catch Amal."

"In the future a kid asks his grandfather a question. -Grampa? What does this tattoo mean? -Ahh, sonny, it's TIFU. Today I ff...uck."

"This is Gold Au"

"I just sneezed so hard that I'm now two seconds in the future."

"Things that are dangerous- -riding a motorcycle -sharks -riding sharks"

"I go to the gym religiously. You know, once or twice a year around the holidays."

"If life was easy it would be called... Your Mom."

"What's a telemarketer's favourite element? Scamdium."

"Did you hear about the Greek philosopher who overdosed on drugs? He was a *myth*anphetamine user."