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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Know why I pulled u over? Me: Know why I pulled u over C: Stop that M: Stop that C: Wanna go to jail? M: Wanna go to jail? C: No.. errr"

"I don't believe it, but Google insists I am the first monkey at a typewriter to bang out the phrase, ""So thirsty I could blow a horse."""

"Where can you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him."

"It's the anniversary of the Titanic sinking. Fortunately, we've made sure that would never happen today by melting all the icebergs."

"A man calls in to work sick on a Friday His boss asks him, ""Why what's wrong with you?"" He replies, ""its my eyes boss... I just can't see my ass coming in to work today."""

"do I wanna smoke? sure I'll smoke. I'll smoke u fools on the court when ur lung capacity is severely compromised. stay in school, be active"

"As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?"

"Funny school joke Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home. One boy throws his bag out the window. Teacher: who just threw that?! Boy: Me! I'm going home now."

"GREETINGS MORTAL, YOU MAY ASK ME ONE QUE- ""what's the deal with airline food?"" GODDAMNIT JERRY HOW DO YOU KEEP FINDING THIS CRYSTAL"

"Never try to understand women. Women understand women and they hate each other."