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Joke of the Day

"Why was the Shire so shocked when Bilbo threw himself and Sam into Mt. Doom? They were the first citizens they ever lost to a Mordor-suicide like that."

"'Active' shower gel because I have no idea what active smells like."

"My friend offered me a free pole dance class. I said no. With my debt, the last thing I need to find out is that I'm great at pole dancing."

"Avoid confrontations in the work place by slashing your coworker's tires while they sleep."

"Job interview Interviewer: What is your greatest weakness? Me: I'm brutally honest. Interviewer: I don't think it's a weakness at all. Me: I don't give a fuck what you think."

"What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians? a drummer ..."

"The asian girl I'm playing chess against is really hot, you might say she's worth a... *puts on sunglasses* ""Second rook"""

"How does a woman take care of her asshole? She packs him a lunch and sends him to work."

"What if we had an internet and nobody came?"

"I just met the girl of my dreams She flew into class naked and her teeth fell out."