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Joke of the Day

"My electric car is getting a service, so I have to drive an acoustic one."

"What's the first step in getting accepted to carpentry school? Submitting a stool sample."

"I get to my doctor appointments 45 minutes late so I can get there on time."

"How many dead hookers does it take to replace a light bulb? At least more than eight, the light in my basement still doesn't work..."

"I'm sorry, I don't find you arousing. No hard feelings."

"What do American Beer and sex in a canoe have in common? They're both f*cking close to water. [Joke courtesy of Zane Lamprey on an episode of Three Sheets]"

"There was a kidnapping at my school today... It's okay guys, he woke up."

"The guy behind the counter asked me what I wanted on my sub and I said a collar and restraints and now I'm not allowed in Subway."

"What was the code to hitler's secret bunker? NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN NEIN!"

"A LOT of people have been photobombing my shots of Waldo"