92701

Joke of the Day

"I get to my doctor appointments 45 minutes late so I can get there on time."

"Just thought about sex for the 100th time today, and let me tell you, it's definitely NOT the thought that counts."

"FACT : Half of all missing person reports involve people trying to find their way out of IKEA."

"Why did the Chicken come to /r/jokes? [To be buried](http://www.reddit.com/r/antiantiantijokes/comments/3bccyc/the_chicken_sat_far_from_the_road_considering_its/)"

"My Wife is refusing to fry any food and is insisting on eating healthier. She is turning into a Kitchen Nazi. She keeps sticking everything in the oven."

"The guys who measure out the granite so it fits nicely in your kitchen were prob mad when they found out the term counterfeiters was taken"

"Did Torres play for every other EPL club before Chelsea ? .... Because he never celebrated scoring a goal."

"When you get a bladder infection... Urine trouble."

"Me: Where's your maternity section? Her: Over there. How far along is she? Me: Her? I'm shopping for my Thanksgiving pants. Her..."

"What has two legs and bleeds a lot? Half a dog."