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Joke of the Day

"Just saw a guy wearing sunglasses on the back of his head practicing his golf swing empty-handed. Hope my daughter's a lesbian."

"People who try to stop you on the street to sell stuff are the real world equivalent of online pop-ups."

"My wife got home and was mad when she saw I fed my son cake, banana, popcorn and M&M's for dinner. I was like, ""You saw the banana, right?"""

"NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars Early pictures show no sign of ESPN, beer, or porn. This should be sufficient proof that men aren't from Mars."

"I heard there was a bombing in Times Square. But it was just Mariah."

"I'm so broke this chrismas... I'm just going to wrap batteries with a note that says ^*s ^ ^"

"When he proposed to her. She found it very engaging."

"""And what do your parents do?"" BABY COW: Well, my mom is basically a vending machine and my dad is hamburgers"

"I got a new job working in an underwear factory I'll be pulling down 800 a week"

"Ladies: If a man approaches you and he's wearing Crocs, hold perfectly still. Their vision is based off movement."